purpose

The title of my first post bears two meanings: (1) to describe the purpose of this blog and (2) to emphasize this blog is all about discovering my purpose in life. I have been fortunate to live in Southern California & New York City. I have had lots of exciting and rewarding experiences in my life so far and have enjoyed various hobbies and interests over the years. However, I have no single driving purpose guiding my life's path. I am in search for my life's passion and I welcome you to join me on this journey.

I might as well start at the beginning. I had many aspirations while growing up, as do most children. After graduating from the I want to be a doctor, astronaut and zoo keeper (not sure if I actually wanted to be these things, but it sounds good, right?) phase, my heart and mind were set on becoming a filmmaker.

Starting at the age of 10, I assumed ownership of the family's camcorder and immediately began writing scripts and recruiting family and friends to be in my original films.

My biggest accomplishment was the Vengeance trilogy. A story of a serial killer who after many killings was brought to justice and sentenced to death by electric chair - picture: wooden chair, colander & bungee cords, oh yeah...I digress. I have memories of setting up my tape/CD player next to my camera so I could play music on it while I filmed for background sound. And, I even set up a tripod in the middle of the street to records the flows of traffic. Trust me, it would have been good if I finished editing it.

This passion lasted a good 7 years. After many movies, writing a feature length script (entitled, She Kills without Emotion) and interning for the Los Angeles Short Film Festival, I woke up one day and realized, I don't want to be a filmmaker anymore, right now.

At 17, this change of heart could have been related to the mounting pressure to choose a college major, win scholarships and begin to define the life I wanted for myself. I decided, no more movies, what I really want to do is own a casino! I think part of me will always want to be a filmmaker and who knows, maybe I will be one day but before that happens I think I have another passion that I have yet to discover.

As a teenager, I fancied myself a poker-faced gambler. I played Texas Hold Em at friend's houses. I figured, one way or another, I could rise through the ranks to one day own my own casino/nightclub/restaurant that I would call The Boom Boom Room. (There is a story behind the name Boom Boom, but that is for another post.)

My casino would be a gigantic circular structure of a building, with 3 floors, mirrored walls, bars that encircle all 3 floors and hidden VIP rooms for special guests. I envisioned beginning my day at 5 pm with some business, breaking for "lunch" about 9 pm and spending the rest of my work day roaming the casino supervising.

I realized that to make this a reality, I would need money, connections and street smarts. Three things that I definitely did not posses as a 17 year old valley girl from Southern California. From here, I began walking down a path that I was convinced would lead me to casino ownership: graduate college with a degree in business, move to New York City for a lesson in street smarts and start making friends with whoever I meet.

Fast forward 10 years, and here I am: 27 (what some may refer to as grown up), living in the greatest city in the world, engaged to a wonderful man and proud owner of the cutest cocker spaniel's in the world but...still clueless as to who exactly I am and what I want to be.

This is not a unique conundrum to find oneself in but one I am determined to answer this question for myself at some point in the future.

I hope you enjoy my journey as I catalog my pursuit to answer this particularly annoying question we all face at some point or another: i'm all grown up, so what am i?