freedom

There are certain essentials that I demand of life. By identifying those essentials and examining them, it will bring me closer to identifying my purpose.

I have always been an independent spirit. I enjoy taking my life in the direction that I feel is right for me, regardless of what others in my life think. That is not to say that I don't value the opinions and thoughts of my friends and family, but I have learned that in life, you cannot live for others, you must first live for yourself.

My boldest application of this belief was probably when I decided I was going to move to NYC when I was 19 years old.

Understandably, my family and friends were not too fond of my idea of moving across the country. They would miss me, as I would miss them. We would not see each other as often but I promised everyone that I would keep in touch and that this was an important step that I had to take.

Looking back on my teenage years, I admit that I more often lived for others than myself. Sometimes my behavior and actions were based on my perception of what others thought I should be or what they thought I should be doing. I reinforced this pattern of living so frequently that the only way to put a stop to it was to put myself in an environment where nobody knew me. Only then could I become the person I was meant to become, on my own terms without outside influence.

All my life I tried to be good, getting excellent grades in school, being nice to everyone I met, following my parents rules and generally going along with things rather than speaking up for myself.

Living in New York City allowed me to experiment with different identities and personality traits. I decided good equaled boring so I tried being outrageous, hostile, rude, stubborn, aggressive, adventurous, skeptical, manipulative, sarcastic, witty and fun! At times, I took this too far and was unnecessarily mean to strangers and often offended my new found acquaintances. It didn't matter though because living in NYC is like being anonymous, I knew if I was rude to a random person one night, I would never see them again.

New York gave me the freedom to be whoever I wanted without judgment. It also forced me to understand that being good does not equal boring. It gave me the opportunity to step out of my previous misconceptions of who I was and start to establish my identity and the values that are important to me.

Freedom can be scary and without discipline, it can be dangerous but it is something that I will always require in my life. Only when I am free to be who I want to be and do what I want to do can I truly be happy.

I want to find a passion or career that gives me the right amount of freedom to be satisfied. Specifically, I want to make my own work schedule. I want to start my work day when I want and end it when I want. I am not looking to work less, just work at my pace and timing. If I am going to answer to someone, I need to admire and respect them otherwise, I want to answer to myself. I want to have the authority to make decisions and control how I spend my time. I want to be able to take as much time off as I see fit.

I am disciplined so these freedoms will allow me to thrive in my career and contribute to my happiness.