acknowledgement

One of my weaknesses is my constant need for positive acknowledgment. And, by acknowledgment I mean the recognition of my existence, validity, authority, and/or right. I need to feel appreciated and I need to feel appreciated often. I have no issues with asking for it and when I receive it, I can't wait until I get some more. I will gladly accept a gold star, a pat on the back or preferably, a public pronouncement of my greatness. Much to my chagrin, this is another one of my essentials in life.

It may seem silly, but I regularly save gracious emails from clients praising my wonderfulness because I have helped them with something and refer back to them when I am having a bad day or if I am low on acknowledgments for the week. I often ask leading questions of friends and family so their answer will fulfill my need for approval. I seek out activities where I know someone will congratulate me for a job well done.

Some say that I have a need for approval and that those who seek approval have low self esteem, are dependent on others and have issues from childhood. I am an assertive, independent woman who had two loving parents. Some will say that this is an issue I need to work on and an aspect about myself I need to change. Although, I do think that this particular trait of mine is not necessarily beneficial; I don't think that I suffer this to an extreme that others may experience.

I do work hard at most everything in life, some may call me a people pleaser, and I do have a hard time saying "no" to people. However, I speak my mind, don't avoid confrontation when necessary and have an abundance of self confidence. I just like knowing that what I do impacts others in a positive way. What's so wrong with wanting to hear that knowledge validated from others?

Whatever my purpose and whatever I do, I know that I will always require that positive reinforcement along the way, even if I have to ask for it.

cutco

After abruptly quitting Blockbuster Video, I got a job as a Sales Representative with Vector Marketing to sell The World's Finest Cutlery, CUTCO. This was immediately after I graduated high school in the summer of 2002.

After the group interview, they offered everyone that showed up a job if they could buy a starter kit that they would use when they conducted their in-home sales demonstrations. The starter kit, they said, was a great value because not only were you buying a set of the world's finest knives but this was an investment in your future!

I immediately purchased the starter kit and then completed the 3 day intensive training program that was comprised of memorization, brain washing and role playing. At first, they basically have you take advantage of your family and friends. You have to build your own client base so they have you set appointments with everyone you know. So, my parents bought a few knives, and my grandparents bought a small set and my next door neighbor bought a bunch of stuff from me.

From there, you have to ask everyone you meet with to provide you a list of their family and friends so you can call them up and set appointments with them. After a while of visiting everyone you know, you will begin to start meeting with strangers who are friends of friends of friends. At first, my mom was not happy about my spending so much of time in strangers homes but I quickly reminded her that I had a bag of knives with me - what could possibly go wrong that I couldn't defend myself against?

Luckily, their brainwashing was quite effective as I truly believed, and still kinda do, that I was selling the best knives on the market. I did well for myself and sold over $10,000 in cutlery in about 10 weeks.

After the summer was over, I moved to San Diego to attend San Diego State University. After spending 2 and 1/2 months building a client base in Los Angeles, I now had to start over in San Diego if I was going to continue down this path. I did have a few relatives and friends in the area so I gave it the old college try. I lasted about 2 months before I realized that I would not be able to build up my business while attending school full time. And, the branch manager at the Vector Marketing office in San Diego was very different from the manager I had in LA. He wanted me to attend all these team meetings which I could not attend because I had class and after one particularly distressing confrontation and a few weeks of sliding my orders under the door (so I could avoid him) after office hours, I decided it was time to move on.

Though my time selling CUTCO was short, I am so grateful for the experience. I learned basic sales skills & important lessons including (1) "No" doesn't mean "No" unless they say it at least 5 times (2) Don't be afraid to ask for anything because you'll be surprised how often you get what you ask for and (3) Don't underestimate the power of cutting a penny with a pair of Super Shears to close a deal.

jung personality test

To be truly successful in any career, you must first understand yourself.

I took the Jung Personality test and it determined that my personality type is: ESTJ.

Extroverted (E) 65.85% Introverted (I) 34.15%
Sensing (S) 55.81% Intuitive (N) 44.19%
Thinking (T) 52.94% Feeling (F) 47.06%
Judging (J) 78.13% Perceiving (P) 21.88%
Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

According to this test, I am:
organized, group oriented, focused, conventional, leader, emotionally stable, anal, attention seeking, planner, realistic, fearless, responsible, finisher, decisive, norm following, respects authority, punctual, hard working, stiff, self confident, thinks rules and regulations are important, follows the rules, clean, outgoing, social, content, does not like being alone, normal, regular, does not like weird or strange people / things - intolerant of differences, strict, disciplined, aggressive, assertive, content, happy, proper, formal, strict with self, meticulous, strong sense of purpose

And, my favored careers include:
executive, CEO, supervisor, business consultant, manager, strategist, financial planner, business person, office manager, public relations manager, international business specialist, business analyst, management consultant, operations manager, loan officer, lawyer, marketing, sports management, government employee, investment banker

While my disfavored careers include:
poet, artist, songwriter, musician, novelist, art therapist, theatre teacher, art curator, film editor, video game designer, photo journalist, travel writer, actor, record store owner, camera operator, art historian, music teacher

I am most surprised by the careers on the disfavored list. I love to write and have always loved poetry and art. My father is an artist, my fiancee a budding video game designer and my brother a filmmaker. I suppose I have known that those careers weren't the best fit for me, but to be on my disfavored list?

Out of all the careers on my favored list, I was intrigued by sports management. I have often thought I could use my business skills to manage the talents of other people. In the past, I have always wanted to manage artists but maybe athletes is the way to go. I do enjoy exercise and appreciate athletic talent and strength and the more I think as I write this, the more I realize that this may be a viable career option to consider. I could be like Jerry Maguire?!

Take the test for yourself! And, once you take the test, visit this page to view your results.

jericho

I just finished watching the short lived TV series, Jericho. I highly recommend watching the 29 episodes on Netflix streaming - I can't believe I didn't watch this show when it was on. The show is about what happens to the USA after nuclear bombs take out 23 major cities, killing over 10 million people and destroying most of the land. The series revolves around a fictional small town in Kansas, called Jericho, where the residents witness the mushroom cloud of the Denver, CO nuke and have to deal with the aftermath of these attacks.

Those who survived are forced to rebuild from scratch, finding food, energy and water and battling against enemies to protect what's left of their homes. At the core of this show is the notion that catastrophes can bring out the best or worst in people. When I watch stuff like this, I can't help but wonder how I would react in these types of situations. Would I be courageous and act with honesty and integrity or would I let my fear get the best of me and make the wrong choices? I'd like to think I would do the right thing, but I believe that we really don't know how we will react until we are faced with disaster.

When certain events change the course of life as we know it, many things just no longer matter. If I survive a nuclear attack or some other apocalyptic disaster in my lifetime, I will strive to become a leader so I can help rebuild society. In fact, I would say this is the only way that I could possibly become President.

I'm glad that I know what I want to be if/when the world ends. Maybe it will be later this year, on October 21st, the date of the rescheduled Rapture.

personal trainer

I enjoy fitness. I enjoy helping people. I already stick to a pretty regular routine of exercise; currently rocking Tony Horton's P90x and walking my doggie Sylar for about an hour a day. I started P90x about a year ago and love it. To be honest, I have not completed a full 90 day cycle, which involves 6 workouts per week for 12 weeks. But, I have consistently been able to work out about 4 times per week and I rotate the workouts to benefit from muscle confusion, the secret behind P90x success.

So, all things considered, why not become a personal trainer?

I would have to take some classes to get certified at an accredited organization, find a job at a gym and start building a client base. I could do that. After some experience, I could then break out on my own and run my own personal training business. Eventually, I could manage a fleet of personal trainers. I would have control of my schedule and I would be having a positive impact on people's lives.

I would hope that I can fit my own personal workout into my day more easily if this is what I did for a living. Whether it be working out at the gym before/after a client since I am already there or leading an exercise class where I have to workout with them. Essentially, I would be getting paid for working out, who could ask for more?

Although, this sounds good in print, it doesn't get me very excited. It would be great job to have for several years but I probably couldn't keep this up for the long term. I would probably work odd hours - some clients would want early appointments and some would want late appointments. I would also probably have to work weekends. I'm sure it would also take some time to build up a client base and get to the point where I am making good money. None of these are deal breakers, so maybe I'll keep this one in my back pocket and pull it out if we ever move someplace for a limited amount of time.

Imagine if I did become a great personal trainer though, maybe I would one day own my own gym/fitness center and I call it The Boom Boom Room!

in pursuit of a hobby

I haven't written for the last few days because I have been saddled with a cold. I am still not feeling great but wanted to publish a new post today.

My fiancee Jay always tells me that I need to find a hobby and apparently cooking, reading and exercising don't count! He is a man of many hobbies, including collecting comic books, playing video games, reviewing video games on his awesome blog, maintaining his portfolio Web site, just to name a few. Jay wants to become a video game designer by using his graphic design/art direction skills and his love for video games. I strive to be able to find a way to use my skills and my passion to help me along this journey.

He does have a good point, if I find a hobby I truly love perhaps that will lead me to uncover my purpose.

When I was a kid, I had many hobbies. I read, wrote poems & short stories, embroidered & crocheted, played sports (including baseball for 7 years and swimming for 3 years), made & watched movies, attempted to belong to Mensa and the list goes on. I suppose that for one reason or another, I stopped each hobby at some point and moved onto the next thing - whether that be the next hobby, a job, college or moving to New York.

As soon as I started college and working, I found I had no time for hobbies. My schedule was consumed with school, work and a social life and I didn't think or want to fit in anything else. After I graduated college, I was focused on finding a job, a nice apartment and enjoying my promising relationship with Jay.

Now, I have been at my current job for about 5 years, have been living in a great apartment with Jay for almost 2 years and am currently planning our wedding (which is not considered a hobby although it is quite time consuming) I find that I want, maybe even need, a hobby again.

So, my plan is to start trying out different hobbies and finding one that I want to stick with for a while. I will catalog the various hobbies I try out in future posts and assess the pro's and con's of each.

Let me know if you have any ideas for me!

blockbuster video

My recap of previous jobs continues with my second job at Blockbuster Video. Here I learned the importance of honesty, efficiency and how to quit a job you never want back.

Honesty: I told people if they were about to rent a bad movie and gave them a chance to go get a better one. More people appreciated it than resented it and it always sparked interesting conversation.

Efficiency: My most obvious demonstration of efficiency was my ability to stack 25+ video tapes at a time, holding them with one hand against my body so I could put them back on the shelf. They always had me run movies since I could do it so quickly.

Quitting: I worked at Blockbuster for a year and half and was even promoted to Shift Leader, which included a 75 cent per hour raise. I was about a month away from graduating from high school when I received a letter in the mail from a company called Vector Marketing. I thought this letter, which was definitely a form letter that went out to all graduating high school seniors, was drafted especially for me and I was immediately intrigued about the job opportunity. After going on a very interesting group interview (with about 15 other people in the room), I impulsively committed to become a sales rep for CUTCO cutlery. It required a small investment to purchase a pack of knives that you would use to actually sell. As a budding business major, I reminded myself that you have to spend money to make money and my decision was made.

As I was driving home from this interview, I called my store manager and quit by leaving a voice mail that I was never coming back and I did not show up for my shift the next day. I shouldn't say that I was proud to leave a job like that, but I was.

Stay tuned for the next post about my employment history.

the one question

This free self-reflective 14-question test claims that it helps you ask yourself the right questions so you can identify your true passion and purpose.

1. What are you naturally curious about?
I love reading mysteries and philosophy. I also enjoy reading about relationships and how different people connect with one another in a meaningful way. I enjoy watching films that explore unknown topics. I like reading advice columns and articles about nutrition, exercise and cooking. I enjoy learning about concepts and ways to enjoy life and increase happiness.

Comments: Your answer to this question gives you an indication what are the different topics where your passion may lie. You may find here clues about a suitable profession for you or a field you want to work on. Often what we naturally do we enjoy the most.

2. What would you like to change about the world?
I want to reform health care & education and contribute to building awareness of the importance of nutrition and exercise to lead a healthy & happy life.

Comments: What makes you angry the most shows you in a way what you care about the most, what is close to your heart. It is unlikely that you are emotionally strongly moved by something you are not even slightly passionate about.

3. What would you love to do or accomplish before you die?

• Travel to every continent
• Win a cooking contest
  
• Help others achieve healthy & happy lives
• Make a movie
• Write a novel
• Start a successful business
• Achieve personal balance & happiness
• Incorporate meditation into my daily life

Comments: The things you listed as answers not only give you an idea of your goals, but also your values - what is important to you and how you would like to live your life. See if you can spot any themes in your things to do list.

4. What would you do if you could not fail?

• I would start my own business.
• I would become a film producer.
• I would write novels.
• I would become an editor.
• I would become a celebrity chef on TV.
• I want to be a motivational speaker.
  

Comments: This question helped you to think without limitations. There is a good chance you wrote here things that you really want to do.

5. What would you do if you would not be limited by money?
I would cook, read, write, and discuss ideas of how to better the world with people I admire and respect. I would quit my job and start my own business.

Comments: Similar to the last one, the question removed barriers from your thinking and brought out your inner desires. Remember that you might be able to earn money following your passion too.

6. What would you like to hear at your funeral?
I would want people to say that I was caring, generous, honest, hard working, fun, smart, witty, interesting. I would want them to say that I was brave and courageous and led an exciting life. I would want them to say that they became better people because they knew me. I would want them to say that they loved me, respected me and admired me for living life well.

Comments: Your answer shows you what you value and how you would like to live your life, what is truly important to you.

7. What are the things you currently enjoy doing?

• Reading
• Writing
• Cooking
• Exercising
• Walking my doggie
• Debating

Comments: Very straightforward - your passion may lie in one of those activities.

8. What were the activities or tasks you were doing when you felt most empowered?

• Selling
• Making movies
• Being in charge
• Debating logic/philosophy

Comments: When you are passionate about some project or assignment, you feel energized, you don't get tired and you feel excited. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be. If you felt something like this when doing the tasks you listed, this might be it or at least you're close.

9. What would you most like to be acknowledged for so far in your life?

• Writing a feature film at the age of 14
• Moving to NYC at the age of 19
• Graduating college in 3.5 years
• Conquering my blood clot
• Getting a great job out of college and staying with it for 5 years to realize 3 promotions
• Finding the love of my life and paying for our own wedding
• Getting a dog and becoming a better person for it

Comments: You only take pride in things that matter to you. The question is if these things matter you the most?

10. If you had only one wish, what would it be?
To find the right balance in my life to be content.

Comments: Now that you gave it some thought, try to think of at least 5 more people for whom you could make a wish, include strangers. After you've done this for a little while, see what trends you see. This will be at least very close to your purpose.

11. Whose life do you want to be living?
Stanley Kubrick
Julia Child
Simone de Beauvoir

Comments: If you did pick anyone, why did you choose these people? There is something about their achievements, lifestyle or other aspects of life that you find desirable. That's a hint.

12. What ideas are you most inspired by?
Reforming health care & education
Healthy living
Achieving happiness & life balance

Comments: If there is an idea that really inspires you, that could very well be your purpose.

13. With whom would you like to surround myself?

• Healthy
• Happy
• Interesting
• Motivated
• Well educated
• Inspiring

Comments: You become who you drink coffee with. The kind of people you want to have around you tells you what kind of a person you want to be.

14. Do you take responsibility for what is happening to you?
Yes, I am responsible for where I am in my life right now. I can create my own future and will. I just want a little guidance....

Comments: Only you can change your future and create the life you want to live, no one else. If you blame others and shift the responsibility away from you, you are looking for answers in a wrong place. If you said yes, congratulations. Now that you have gone through this exercise, answered all the questions and read the answers once again - do you see patterns in your answers? Identify what are the common themes in your answers and you will find your passion and purpose in life.

Click here to take this Life Purpose test for yourself.

freedom

There are certain essentials that I demand of life. By identifying those essentials and examining them, it will bring me closer to identifying my purpose.

I have always been an independent spirit. I enjoy taking my life in the direction that I feel is right for me, regardless of what others in my life think. That is not to say that I don't value the opinions and thoughts of my friends and family, but I have learned that in life, you cannot live for others, you must first live for yourself.

My boldest application of this belief was probably when I decided I was going to move to NYC when I was 19 years old.

Understandably, my family and friends were not too fond of my idea of moving across the country. They would miss me, as I would miss them. We would not see each other as often but I promised everyone that I would keep in touch and that this was an important step that I had to take.

Looking back on my teenage years, I admit that I more often lived for others than myself. Sometimes my behavior and actions were based on my perception of what others thought I should be or what they thought I should be doing. I reinforced this pattern of living so frequently that the only way to put a stop to it was to put myself in an environment where nobody knew me. Only then could I become the person I was meant to become, on my own terms without outside influence.

All my life I tried to be good, getting excellent grades in school, being nice to everyone I met, following my parents rules and generally going along with things rather than speaking up for myself.

Living in New York City allowed me to experiment with different identities and personality traits. I decided good equaled boring so I tried being outrageous, hostile, rude, stubborn, aggressive, adventurous, skeptical, manipulative, sarcastic, witty and fun! At times, I took this too far and was unnecessarily mean to strangers and often offended my new found acquaintances. It didn't matter though because living in NYC is like being anonymous, I knew if I was rude to a random person one night, I would never see them again.

New York gave me the freedom to be whoever I wanted without judgment. It also forced me to understand that being good does not equal boring. It gave me the opportunity to step out of my previous misconceptions of who I was and start to establish my identity and the values that are important to me.

Freedom can be scary and without discipline, it can be dangerous but it is something that I will always require in my life. Only when I am free to be who I want to be and do what I want to do can I truly be happy.

I want to find a passion or career that gives me the right amount of freedom to be satisfied. Specifically, I want to make my own work schedule. I want to start my work day when I want and end it when I want. I am not looking to work less, just work at my pace and timing. If I am going to answer to someone, I need to admire and respect them otherwise, I want to answer to myself. I want to have the authority to make decisions and control how I spend my time. I want to be able to take as much time off as I see fit.

I am disciplined so these freedoms will allow me to thrive in my career and contribute to my happiness.

the holland code

I don't know about you but once in a while, I like to take one of those free career assessments online and see what it thinks I should be doing. There are a ton of free ones out there and once a week I am going to take a different one and report on the results. I mean, I am basically typing "free career assessments" into a Google search bar and clicking on random results on the first page.

This week I played the Career Interest Game from the University of Missouri Career Center. The instructions on the site are convoluted. Basically, go to the site, click on each piece of the color pie and identify the three of those pieces that most closely describe you. Then, order those by importance/similarity to your personality. You get a 3 letter Holland Code that maps to a set of careers that you would be suited for.

According to the site: "This exercise is based on Dr. John Holland's theory that people and work environments can be loosely classified into six different groups. Different peoples' personalities may find different environments more to their liking. While you may have some interests in and similarities to several of the six groups, you may be attracted primarily to two or three of the areas. These two or three letters are your Holland Code."
My Holland Code was: EIS (Enterprising, Investigative, Social)

Accordingly to this assessment, I should be a: Human Resources, Training, and Labor Relations Managers and Specialists.

It is actually an interesting result. I think I would be good as an HR person because I would treat the employees like they were my clients and I am very used to providing good client service. I guess this role could evolve into a cool recruiting position - matchmaking the unemployed with the perfect job?

I have to say, this assessment provided a fairly realistic result based on my personality traits. I would recommend trying it out. It is free and it takes like 3 minutes.

If you take the test, comment with your Holland Code.

private eye

A few years back, I was convinced I had discovered my life's purpose. I was going to be a private investigator!

I have always loved reading murder mysteries (I even won a great replica of the Maltese falcon for winning a murder mystery dinner with my mom), watching shows like Law & Order and trying to figure out puzzles in general. I thought this profession would offer the right balance of excitement, variety and overall satisfaction. I was so convinced I started telling my current co workers that this was my new plan.

Soon after this epiphany, I purchased the Complete Idiot's Guide to Private Investigating. I read the entire book, it's a good read and a realistic description of what it is actually like to be a PI.

When I first realized that this might be my calling I envisioned following people without being noticed, intimidating suspects for information and following clues wherever they led me to solve crimes. After reading the Idiot's Guide, I realized I would more likely spend the majority of my time on a computer, on the phone and in a car on a stake out and being forced to pee into a big gulp cup from 7-Eleven to remain undetected.

I realized that at this time in my life, this job wasn't for me. I still think it might happen one day though, even if it's old lady Megan solving the mystery of the missing cookie jar in the nursing home.

hollywood video

It is important to reflect on past events, understand how those events may have shaped your future and maximize on the lessons learned from those experiences. Therefore, I am going to recap every job I have had so far since I started working at 15 years old.

My first job was at Hollywood Video. I rented out video tapes (remember those?) and DVDs, put movies people returned back on shelves and restocked the candy display once in a while.

This was the first job I ever interviewed for and I was lucky enough to get the job offer, which I readily accepted! I had to get a work permit from school and have my mom drop me off for the first several months since I couldn't drive on my own yet. I worked 4 hour shifts and was proud to don my Hollywood Video polo shirt and khaki-like pants.

During my interview, I described my previous film directing experience and the fact that I was, at the time, making my way through watching every movie on AFI's 100 years...100 movies list as reasons why I would be a good fit for the job. In my mind, this made me extremely qualified to work in a video store and the store manager, Robert, happened to agree. In case you were wondering, no I did not watch every single movie on the list, but I did see most of them.

This experience taught me that a great first impression can be more powerful than previous work experience. I'm pretty sure I got hired because Robert and I hit it off right away and because at 15, I was already introducing myself as an accomplished film director. I think he appreciated my gregarious nature and film zeal.

Are you wondering what my second job was? It will be revealed in a future post.

Anyone out there ever work for a video store?

purpose

The title of my first post bears two meanings: (1) to describe the purpose of this blog and (2) to emphasize this blog is all about discovering my purpose in life. I have been fortunate to live in Southern California & New York City. I have had lots of exciting and rewarding experiences in my life so far and have enjoyed various hobbies and interests over the years. However, I have no single driving purpose guiding my life's path. I am in search for my life's passion and I welcome you to join me on this journey.

I might as well start at the beginning. I had many aspirations while growing up, as do most children. After graduating from the I want to be a doctor, astronaut and zoo keeper (not sure if I actually wanted to be these things, but it sounds good, right?) phase, my heart and mind were set on becoming a filmmaker.

Starting at the age of 10, I assumed ownership of the family's camcorder and immediately began writing scripts and recruiting family and friends to be in my original films.

My biggest accomplishment was the Vengeance trilogy. A story of a serial killer who after many killings was brought to justice and sentenced to death by electric chair - picture: wooden chair, colander & bungee cords, oh yeah...I digress. I have memories of setting up my tape/CD player next to my camera so I could play music on it while I filmed for background sound. And, I even set up a tripod in the middle of the street to records the flows of traffic. Trust me, it would have been good if I finished editing it.

This passion lasted a good 7 years. After many movies, writing a feature length script (entitled, She Kills without Emotion) and interning for the Los Angeles Short Film Festival, I woke up one day and realized, I don't want to be a filmmaker anymore, right now.

At 17, this change of heart could have been related to the mounting pressure to choose a college major, win scholarships and begin to define the life I wanted for myself. I decided, no more movies, what I really want to do is own a casino! I think part of me will always want to be a filmmaker and who knows, maybe I will be one day but before that happens I think I have another passion that I have yet to discover.

As a teenager, I fancied myself a poker-faced gambler. I played Texas Hold Em at friend's houses. I figured, one way or another, I could rise through the ranks to one day own my own casino/nightclub/restaurant that I would call The Boom Boom Room. (There is a story behind the name Boom Boom, but that is for another post.)

My casino would be a gigantic circular structure of a building, with 3 floors, mirrored walls, bars that encircle all 3 floors and hidden VIP rooms for special guests. I envisioned beginning my day at 5 pm with some business, breaking for "lunch" about 9 pm and spending the rest of my work day roaming the casino supervising.

I realized that to make this a reality, I would need money, connections and street smarts. Three things that I definitely did not posses as a 17 year old valley girl from Southern California. From here, I began walking down a path that I was convinced would lead me to casino ownership: graduate college with a degree in business, move to New York City for a lesson in street smarts and start making friends with whoever I meet.

Fast forward 10 years, and here I am: 27 (what some may refer to as grown up), living in the greatest city in the world, engaged to a wonderful man and proud owner of the cutest cocker spaniel's in the world but...still clueless as to who exactly I am and what I want to be.

This is not a unique conundrum to find oneself in but one I am determined to answer this question for myself at some point in the future.

I hope you enjoy my journey as I catalog my pursuit to answer this particularly annoying question we all face at some point or another: i'm all grown up, so what am i?