the flower, step 6

What goals or purposes would you most enjoy setting our energies to?  This is it, people!  This is the question I have been asking myself for some time and writing blog posts to help me figure it out.  I loved this exercise the most out of everything I have done so far in the Parachute book.  Although I wish this exercise gave me an exact answer on what I should do, it did bring me much closer to realizing what is important to me and where I should be focusing my energy.

The author lists 9 broad outcomes and encourages you to identify which ones resonate with you most - here are the 9 outcomes with abbreviated descriptions:

1. Mind - contributing to knowledge, truth or clarity in this world
2. Body - fitness, health, feeding the hungry, clothing the poor
3. Eyes and Other Senses - beauty, art, flowers, painting, photography, artistic pursuits
4. Heart - love and compassion
5. The Will or Conscience - justice, righteousness, honesty
6. Human Spirit - faith, compassion, forgiveness, family
7. Entertainment - laughter, joy, forced introspection
8. Possessions - simplicity, savings, frugality
9. The Earth - conservation, respect, exploration not exploitation of our wonderful plant

I finally used one of his prioritizing grids to figure this out.  I must say, I am a fan.  A prioritizing grid allows you to systematically choose between two things at a time to whittle down a list of choices.  I found a free online prioritizing grid so you can check it out.

After prioritizing in a grid-like fashion, my top 3 outcomes are:
1. Body
2. Mind
3. Heart

I want to work for a place like City Harvest or FoodBank of NYC.  I want to serve a real need and not a manufactured one.  I want to help feed the hungry, clothe the poor, help others realize the importance of physical health and well being.  I want to focus on things that matter and use my skills to promote basic human needs and truths. 

I don't want to be a slave to those who buy my company's product.  I don't want to force people to think they need what my company peddles.  I don't want to engage in confrontation about things that don't really matter in life.  I don't want to do something that I no longer believe in...

the flower, step 4 & 5

Steps 4 & 5 feel a bit like housekeeping.  Things they have to ask but which are fairly obvious so you can zip through them pretty quickly.  I'll keep this short and sweet.


Step 4. What Level (of Responsibility) do you most enjoy working at, and at what Salary?

• Level: Head of a team and eventually the boss or CEO
• OTHER OPTIONS for those who are curious
• Manager or someone under the boss who carries out the orders
• A member of a team of equals
• One who works in tandem with one other partner
• One who works alone, either as an employee or a consultant or as a one-person business
• Salary: Without getting too personal, 5-6 figures. I wrote some specific numbers in my book but didn't think it wise to share specifics online.
  

My favorite part of step 4 is listing out the 'Other Rewards' from your job besides money - here were mine:

• Challenge
• Intellectual Stimulation
• Helping Others
• Exercising Leadership
• Lots of paid time off! :-)

Step 5. What Geographic Factors are most important to you and in what places to you think you would do your best work?  Basically, where do you want to live?

This one is easy. I have to be on a coast - east or west. New York City and/or California

The next two steps are pretty intense so I'm keeping this post intentionally light - get ready for some exciting insights!

the flower, step 3

The next flower petal is all about working conditions or your work environment.  The exercise focuses on answering: What working conditions do you like best, because they enable you to do your most effective work?

The author suggests that you start with listing out distasteful working conditions.  From there, you can translate those into your ideal working conditions.

Here is my list of distasteful working conditions in order of priority, starting with the most distasteful:

• Angry clients angry about things beyond my control
• Not believing in the mission of the organization
• Having no defined goals in my role/work
• An environment with a lack of/or poor communication
• A rigid, inflexible work schedule
• No opportunity for growth
• Ineffective colleagues
• Poor management/leadership
• No accountability framework
• No mechanism for regular feedback on job performance

I was able to translate these into a list of ideal working conditions:

• Strong belief in organization's mission
• Set of defined goals to work towards
• Open and transparent communication within organization
• Flexible schedule
• Opportunity for growth
• Effective colleagues
• Strong leadership/management
• Employees are held accountable for their work
• Regular feedback loop on performance and career growth possiblities

I have added the first five to my third flower petal as my ideal working conditions. I now know I need to look for work in organizations that would foster these types of working conditions.  Although, I can certainly ask about this during the interview process, how do you really know you are walking into an organization with these types of conditions?  I also wonder how much of an impact an individual employee can have on creating these types of conditions if they don't already exist?

the flower, step 2

As I began reading about step 2, it only took a minute for me to recognize a career assessment that I had previously taken, more specifically the very first one I took and wrote about when I first started this blog.  I am talking about the Career Interest Game and the Holland Code.

By the way, the purpose of step 2 is to answer the question: What are your preferred people-environments that you most like to work with, or serve and help?

According to Dr. John Holland, everyone has 3 preferred people-environments out of 6 principle ones: Realistic, Investigative, Artistic, Social, Enterprising, Conventional


The purpose of all this is to emphasize the importance of not only what you will do on the job but the types of people you will be around all the time.  I'm glad this is in here because it does matter who you work with - it can make your day fun or torture.

My Holland Code was: EIS (Enterprising, Investigative, Social)

Accordingly to the Career Interest Game, I should be a: Human Resources, Training, and Labor Relations Managers and Specialists.

Although you don't take this same interest assessment in the book, the author created an abbreviated version of it and calls it 'The Party Game'.  Basically it has each of the 6 people-environments in their own corner and it asks you to identify which one you would gravitate towards first at a party.  Then, if everyone from that group left, which group would you go to next and then one last time so you end up with 3 preferred people-environments.  I went ahead and played 'The Party Game' and came up with the reverse of my Holland Code that I received playing the Career Interests Game: SIE

Same environments, different order, interesting...

The book encourages you to write a temporary statement of your future job or career using your Holland code as your guide.

I am looking for a job or career where I can be around people who perform, positively influence others, like to investigate and problem solve but most importantly, help and inspire others to live and be well.

the flower, step 1

One of the most important outcomes of What Color is Your Parachute? is the completion of The Flower exercise.  It encourages you to make a long list of everything you can think of about yourself.

From there, it takes you through a 7 step process to identify the most important factors in determining your life's purpose.

The first step is an inventory of knowledge, what topics have you learned about through the natural course of your life including high school, college, jobs and your time off...the result of this exercise is meant to be a guiding principle to which you can live your life.  Hoping for a taste of enlightenment.

Here we go -  "What knowledge, that you already have in your head, do you most want to use in your life?"

THE SUBJECTS CHART

Column 1, What I learned in High School & College?

• Speech and Debate
• Swimming
• Acting/improv
• Typing
• MS Office
• Writing Business Plans
• Basic Accounting
• Teamwork
• Adapting to new places
• Jugging
• Creative Writing

Column 2, What I learned on the job?

• Selling
• Office administration
• Personal assistant
• Cold calling/telemarketing
• Customer Service
• Presenting
• Training
• Project Management
• Event Planning
• Problem Solving
• Budgeting
• Negotiation

Column 3, What I learned from conferences, workshops, seminars?

• The power of losing control
• Education technology
• Holden sales methodology
• Cooking
• Speech & Debate

Column 4, What I learned at home?

• Friendship
• Love
• Health/Wellness
• Cleaning
• Cooking
• Entertaining
• Philosophy
• Mystery Novels
• Dog walking/training
• Sewing

Column 5, What I have learned in my leisure time?

• Cooking
• Exercising
• Writing
• Reading
• Socializing

 In case you were wondering, I am still looking for the exercise that will tell my the color of my parachute but this one was in the way.

Anyway, the next step is to pick your favorite 3 subjects listed above - this step is a bit more involved but I am giving you the abbreviated version that yields the same result.

So here are my top 3:
3. Cooking
2. Problem Solving
1. Health/Wellness

Drum roll please...my flower's first petal (Special Knowledges) is now complete.  The book tells you to write these in the first petal of the flower, which  I will be doing as soon as I publish this post.  Time to go cook dinner.

Stay tuned for Step 2....People Environments

Who Am I?

This is my first post about my quest to find out the Color of my Parachute!  I am currently reading the 40th Anniversary Edition of What Color is Your Parachute? A practical Manual for Job Hunters and Career Changers.   I find myself jumping around the book and working through the various exercises they prescribe in order to answer the all important question of identifying one's purpose in life.

The first exercise focused on answering the question: Who Am I?  Sounds simple, but it's not.  

Following the book's instruction, here is what I did:

Step 1. Write "Who Am I?" at the to of 10 pieces of paper.

Step 2. Write one answer to that question on each sheet.

Step 3.  After you complete the 10 answers, go back and expand upon each answer by identifying why you wrote that and what turns you on about that.

Step 4. Then, arrange your 10 sheets in order of priority, most important first.

Step 5. Review the 10 sheets and see if you can identify any common themes among the answers.

Here are the results of my exercise including the answers to: Who Am I, Why I Wrote That, What Turns Me On About That.

1. Health-Conscious, I only feel great when I exercise regularly, eat right and take care of myself, I want others to be healthy and I want to help them realize that taking care of oneself should be a priority.

2. Philosopher, I am very analytical about my journey through life (for example, see this blog) and am curious to understand how I can better the world around me, I enjoy being self aware and making a conscious effort to live well.

3. Communicator, I can talk to and relate to just about anyone, I love being able to know how to deal with the human in front of me and am always seeking new ways to share, listen learn and persuade.

4. Kind, I always try to remind myself that we are all human and we should each strive to be good to each other and although it isn't always true, I find that good things usually do end up happening to good people.

5. Peacemaker, I don't like unnecessary confrontation and my ability to communicate and mediate can bring peace to chaos and anger.  I believe that some confrontation is important for change but it must be done in a constructive way.

6. Gregarious, I am a people person and enjoy being outgoing and meeting new people.  Each new person you meet is an opportunity to learn something new.  I feel most satisfied when I can do something to positively impact another persons life.

7. Caretaker, I like feeling needed and taking care of others make me feel good about myself.  Life is about give and take and it is just as important to care for others as it is to care for yourself.

8. Ambitious, I am always working towards my next challenge in life and because of this approach, my life will forever be evolving into new chapters and exciting adventures.

9. Planner, I always feel compelled to plan or make a "To-do" list, crossing items of a list is one of my most personally satisfying experiences.

10. Woman, I am a woman who is sensitive, inquisitive, emotional, loving, forceful and I enjoy every blessing and every curse that comes with being a woman.

So, Who Am I? Am I destined to live my life to the best of my ability and help others to do the same?

clarity

One of the most beautiful human experiences is undeniable clarity of purpose. It's incredibly moving when you see someone recognize their dream and fully immersed in pursuit of their purpose.

I do not have this clarity yet. Uncovering my purpose and feeling this clarity is the mission of my current journey.

Although I am consciously working towards this discovery, I am skeptical that clarity is something I can find. Rather, I think it is something that I will stumble upon when I least expect it, similar to how one truly falls in love, perhaps.  Being a planner by nature, it is difficult for me not to try to orchestrate my own revelation. 

feeding the hungry

I think I want to help solve the problem of world hunger. So I am looking into opportunities to get involved with City Harvest.

It seems silly that people would go hungry in a country with so much food.

nature

An earthquake and hurricane in NYC in the same week. I wonder what the city did to piss off Mother Nature. We survived the quake with minimal disruption but Hurricane Irene appears to be bringing more inconvenience and destruction.

We live in lower Manhattan in Zone A which has been given a mandatory evacuation order. Although we are nervous we have decided to stay home and wait out the storm. Our neighbors are also hunkering down so we'll be able to stick together if things get particularly bad.

We have plenty of food, water, candles, batteries, flashlights and are ready to deal with a power outage. We have taped up our windows and are filling up our tub for flushing the toilet. We checked in with our family and friends and are watching the latest developments on the news. Our Go Bag is packed and ready.

This morning I took my doggie for one last walk to Battery Park - the area that they think will surely flood as soon as we begin to feel the beginning of the storm. It was empty, the only people I saw were news casters and tourists who obviously still didn't understand what was coming. I experienced a strange sense of peace while walking along the water - perhaps this is what they refer to as the calm before the storm?

NYC is experiencing an unprecedented preparedness for Irene. Subways, buses, and trains are about to be shut down citywide. Mayor Bloomberg ordered the first ever city evacuation for a hurricane. Evacuations for hospitals in the low lying areas were completed yesterday.

I am about to bake some chocolate chip cookies so we have some freshly baked goodies to provide some comfort during the storm.

I know we will survive this but I expect to feel the normal range of emotions that one experiences during natural disasters. Throughout the last day or so, I can't help remembering the Northridge Earthquake of 1994 in Southern California that I lived through when I was almost 10 years old.

To everyone on the eastern coastline, be safe and stay indoors and we'll all come out OK on the other side of this.

moderation

We have all heard of the phrase, "Everything in moderation" at some point in our lives. I think Socrates said it first, but maybe not, and many others have repeated this phrase since him.

This rule to live by applies to eating, drinking, working, playing, things we love to do and things we hate to do.

This concept is difficult for me to embrace. I am not a moderate person. I am am excessive person. If i enjoy listening to a song, I will listen to it over and over and over again until I can't listen to it anymore. If I love eating something (OK I confess, my weaknesses are cookies and pop-ems) I will eat it until I feel sick. If I had fun doing something, I will keep doing it until it is no fun anymore. Does this mean I have an addictive personality? Am I a slave to my sweet tooth? Why isn't some of something not enough for me?

There are some things for which avoidance is easier than moderation. When it comes to some things, I have will power and self-control and when it comes to other things, its like I am a child with no sense of restraint. When you get right down to it though, who wants to live moderately? Doesn't that sound boring?

My attempts at moderation are usually fueled by a drive to be purposeful. Enjoy every moment of life and if you are truly enjoying each second, you can feel satisfied with only a moderate amount of whatever it is. Whereas, if you are not fully engaged in your present activity, you will feel the need for more until you are satisfied.

I am constantly derailed from this purposeful execution of moderation by my busy life. It is hard to stay engaged in every moment when you are forced (or feel like you are being forced) to get things done and move onto the next thing. And, moderation contradicts one of my other principles of living: Carpe Diem - Seize the Day!

Will someone tell me how can one seize the day in moderation?

losing control

OK, it has been a long time since I posted. I've been busy, but I am back now.

A couple weeks ago, I listened to Joe Caruso discuss the principles in his book The Power of Losing Control. It was at a work thing and was obviously a motivational speech designed to increase the confidence of the sales force to ultimately make more money for the company; but, I really enjoyed listening to Joe and I got a lot out of it, perhaps more personally than professionally.

The main idea is that you can't worry about things that are beyond your control. If you do you are essentially wasting your life. And, who wants to waste their life?

Well, I worry about things all the time and am now really trying to make a concerted effort not to worry about things and be more accepting of how life unfolds.

He says to only focus on things that are within your power to control or influence. And, he says you should only expend the minimum amount of effort to get your desired result.

I often go overboard, for no reason at all. Why expend all that effort for the same result? I think it just means to be mindful of what you really need to do to obtain a specific result.

He says you should keep 4 rules of engagement in mind when interacting with other people:
1 Everyone is right
2 Everyone has a desire to be right
3 You can't change people's minds
4 You can shift someone's perspective

You can avoid arguments and conflict if you just try to be mindful of what the other person in the situation could be thinking. As human beings, we are very self-centered but it is powerful to understand how another person views the world. You will realize in their own way, they are always right.

These were my most significant takeaways from the whole experience:

• Life is about making sincere human connections that provide meaning
• You need to stop caring about whether people like you because it is not important if people like you
• Observe. Ask questions. Then talk about yourself.
• Understand what people are telling you with their body language, tone, inflection and not just their words
  
• Increase your appreciation for life and you will be happier

dueto

The very first job I applied for when I moved to NYC was for a receptionist position at a fancy hair salon on the Upper East Side of Manhattan called, Dueto. I thought the interview went pretty well and was following up every few days to see if they had made an offer for the job. After about 3 or 4 follow up calls, I gave up and assumed that they hired someone else. I then got the gig at Crema Lita and worked there for about a month.

Then, one day, I received a phone call from the salon asking me to come in for a second interview. I jumped at the chance as this position was paying more than what I was making serving soft serve. I went back for the second interview and the owner of the salon got right down to business. He asked if he could be honest with me (which I assured was my preference over the alternative) and told me that he hired someone else but it didn't work out. He said he knew I was smart enough for the job but didn't hire me because of the way that I looked.

Now, before you start judging him - allow me to provide you with a mental picture of young Megan in NYC. At 19, I never really wore make up, had just started understanding the need for plucking eyebrows, had super long frizzy hair which I had self-dyed with blond highlights and did not apply any sort of style to and admittedly, was not a very good dresser.

He said I have a proposition for you. He said: If you let my team and I do something with your hair, show you how to apply a bit of make up and take you shopping, I would like to offer you the position. I immediately agreed and said they could do whatever they wanted to me.

I provided Crema Lita with 2 weeks notice and then spent every free moment I had during those next two weeks at the salon. They cut off half my hair, removed the blond highlights, added some auburn streaks and began to teach me how I could blow dry my hair to make it look stylish. They sent me out with a stylist to go shopping in the Village and we only purchased black and white fashionable clothing.

I remember my first day of work, I woke up extra early and tried to do my own hair, apply make up and pick out a nice outfit. I got to work and they looked me over and told me to go wash my face and put my hair in the sink. They were going to re-do everything but, at least my outfit looked nice. From there, they told me to just come into work an hour early and I would get my hair and make up done by one of the stylists. So for the next year and half, I did not wash my own hair and was fortunate enough to enjoy free hair cuts/color and styling.

Although this story sounds like a chapter out of "Devil Wears Prada", I really loved working here and I feel as if I was meant to work here as it was an important step in my adaptation to living in NYC. I quickly became friendly with everyone that worked there and they adopted me into their family. The owner, Julio, in particular, was so nice to me and I was so blessed to have met him and worked for him when I did.

I worked here until one day, a client at the salon offered me my next job. Stay tuned for the next Previous Jobs post.

executive producer

I am going to be an executive producer, yea I said executive.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics:
Producers are entrepreneurs who make the business and financial decisions involving a motion picture, television show, or stage production. They select scripts, approve the development of ideas, arrange financing, and determine the size and cost of the endeavor. Producers hire or approve directors, principal cast members, and key production staff members.

Top 10 Ways my life has prepared me to become a Producer!

1. I spent my childhood writing scripts & filming short movies about killers. My brother, next door neighbors and friends were my cast ad crew. My credits include: The Vengeance Trilogy, Suspension and some more artsy compilations of random stock film I was collecting.
   
2. I spent the second semester of 9th grade at a Performing Arts Magnet School where I was in the Children's Theater program which involved performing short plays in front of elementary school children at neighboring schools. Interestingly, I was always cast as the evil witch or queen.
3. At that same school, I was also was the stage manager for the improv comedy group. That was one of the funniest times of my life but it did get old cleaning up after them, pies, slime and all.
4. I wrote a feature length script (90 minutes) called She Kills Without Emotion. It was about a woman assassin named Chloe.
5. I moved from California to New York City at 19 because I longed to live in the big city. It was the best decision I ever made in my life. I still go back to Los Angeles a couple times a year to see my family.
   
6. I received a Bachelor of Business Administration from Adelphi University.
7. I coordinated an office relocation in New York City. This involved: working 2 different realtors to find an affordable space, selling old furniture we didn't need, packing up the office, coordinating and executing day of moving logistics, arranging for phone and internet connectivity and setting up the new office and much more. If that isn't a production, I don't know what one is. Oh, and I had a tiny budget for the move.
8. I do my own taxes.
   
9. My brother is a filmmaker. Its in our blood.
10. I am a habitual to-do list writer and completer.
    

timing

We all know the phrase timing is everything. The reason we all know it, is because it is true.

Today I witnessed the results of ill timed actions, rather, no action until it was too late. We all experience this in one way or another, big and small. in our personal lives and at our jobs. I don't want to go into details but this is the reason that this topic is on my mind.

My impatience sometimes overrides my desire to pose questions at the right time (in the right tone) and the art of waiting for the right moment to ask for (and get) what you want.

I strive to be the right mix of sensitive, inquisitive, persuasive and kind when I converse and interact with people . I have to work on my timing. I often feel like I interrupt and am too quick to answer. I am working on being a better listener and more patient and wait for just the right moment.

independence

I have always been an independent spirit. Even as a young child, I welcomed the opportunity to show off my self sufficiency and to this day it is very important to me that I maintain my independence. One of my firsts posts on this blog was about freedom. It is one of my essentials in life and something that is very important to me.

The terms freedom and independence are often used interchangeably, even by me. Although they are similar concepts, I do think there is a key difference.

Freedom is an external force, a product of society, that creates opportunity for individuals to make their own choices without restraint. Independence is an internal force, a state of mind, that propels people to make decisions and take actions to become more self reliant.

Children move away to college to ease their dependence on their parents, people start their own businesses to ease their dependence on an employer, people strive for financial freedom (here I go again, I meant financial independence) to ease their dependence on responsibilities. All of these people are free, in some sense, yet throughout their lives their degree of independence shifts based on their circumstances and their state of mind.

One could argue that those who are free can be extremely dependent on others and those that are not free can still be independent. A young child is free however they rely on their parents for shelter, food and the basic necessities of life. A young adult may have established independence from their parents however they are the most susceptible to the oppression of societal expectations. Many of us have often felt trapped in the must graduate college, must find a job, must get married, must buy a house tradition that has become "the American dream" or more aptly "the rat race."

There seems to be a correlation between age, freedom and independence. The young are truly free but often dependent and as they mature, they become more independent but less free and perhaps as they reach old age, they revert back to being free but more dependent. Obviously there are exceptions to this but I think this holds true for many Americans.

What is more important - freedom or independence? I would say freedom because with freedom comes the opportunity to be independent while independence alone does not guarantee freedom.

What does complete freedom and total independence look like? I imagine it involves unlimited opportunity coupled with the intelligence and courage to make the right choices. I hope I find out one day.

I wish everyone a Happy Independence Day.

crema lita

About a week after moving to NYC, this was August 2003, I found a job selling NYC opera tickets. I did that for 4 days and then I got hired to work at an ice cream store called Crema Lita.

It was a kosher soft serve ice cream store. We were located on 3rd avenue and 10th Street in the East Village in a great location. We were close to a restaurants, a movie theater and a nightclub called Webster Hall. I usually worked nights and served up ice cream to customers, made ice cream and kept the store relatively clean. If I got out at a reasonable hour, I could easily get some food, catch a movie or go dancing.

I worked here for a month. I had to wear a weird hat and learn how to dispense soft serve ice cream properly. Easier said than done, people. It took me forever to learn how to make a soft serve ice cream cone - I always encouraged the cup and dreaded having to make a cone that I knew would come out lopsided. Oh well, I did my best and still managed to score some decent tips.

Despite my mediocre ice cream serving skills, I did win the award for giving out 1,000 free ice cream samples in 3 weeks! I got a $25 gift card to I forget where. It is very difficult to get New Yorkers to take free samples. They are in a hurry, they don't want to take anything from strangers (especially food) and they are skeptical that it really is free. I had an uncanny ability to get rid of my samples before they melted. Not sure exactly what that particular skill set is, but it served me well then.

I left this job as soon as I was offered a job as a receptionist at a hair salon. Stay tuned for that post - this next job literally changed my life.

my life compass

As I was searching for a new career assessment to take, I found this life assessment quiz!

We all struggle with juggling family, friends, work, exercise, fun and time for reflection. This quiz says it will help you identify which aspect of your life you need to focus on improving.

I took the quick 7 question quiz and these were my results:

Assessment Results: Spirituality

Your score indicates that the life area you struggle with most is Spirituality.

Whether you have a deep faith and wish to strengthen your relationship and find support in your journey, are looking for answers and guidance in your quest to connect with your spirit or simply feel that you are meant for more and seek coaching with a spiritual undertone, this is the path for you.

A woman’s spirit is her core, her foundation. For many women, it is impossible to separate their spiritual life from the rest of their life and that is why we have introduced Spirit into our offering.

This seems to be in alignment with the purpose of my little blog here. I struggle with understanding where I fit into the bigger picture, how I can use my gifts and strengths to have a positive impact on my world and carving my own path for happiness.

The obvious next questions is - what do I do about this? Learn to meditate? That has always been on my to-do list. Embrace religion? Yea, probably not. Continue on my methodical and dedicated search for my life's purpose as evidenced through my blog? Likely.

Click here to take the assessment.

success

Everyone wants to be successful right? Well, maybe not everyone, but I do. But, I couldn't tell you why exactly but I think it is important. Maybe I only think I want to be successful? How do you tell the difference?

Sometimes I feel that other people can say things more eloquently than I so this post will affectionately be referred to as "a quote post" where I lean on the brilliance of others to enhance my own writing.

A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind.

Albert Szent-Gyorgyi (1893 - 1986)

This quote makes me feel good because I am always prepared so perhaps primed for discovery as well? Discovery of my purpose?

To follow, without halt, one aim: There's the secret of success.

Anna Pavlova (1885 - 1931)

I agree. I want one singular driving passion - but if I don't have it now, is it likely to dawn on me in the future? I am afraid if I don't have it yet, I may never discover it...

Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.

Arthur Rubinstein (1886 - 1982)

Wow. OK, well if being successful means accepting life as it is, I could do that. I am trying to enjoy life each day. Maybe enjoying life is my life's purpose? Seems a little shallow...but perhaps the key to happiness?

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Bill Cosby (1937 - )

I often feel the need to please people and I also often act on it. I need to continue to live for myself first and then for others and recognize life isn't ab

The person who makes a success of living is the one who see his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication.

Cecil B. DeMille (1881 - 1959)

I want to be a success at living. I need to work on living better.

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.

Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)

What is my own way?

dog walker

I love my doggie. I love walking. I love walking my doggie. Maybe I should become a dog walker, or, owner of a dog walking business?

Dogs have a unique ability to brighten up people's lives. They are always happy, they are loyal and they always seem to bring perspective to things. If I am having a bad day, one look at my dog can wipe away any frustrations and remind me that life is too short to dwell on the displeasures of life.

This particular job would allow me to make my own schedule, enjoy the outdoors and will incorporate exercise into my work day - one of my "pros" of becoming a personal trainer. I would have the opportunity to learn more about different dog breeds and even hone my grooming and dog training skills. And, I currently live in NYC where dog walkers are in high demand.

Let it be known, I am currently lacking grooming skills and my dog training abilities leave something to be desired but I could work on those things. And, I should probably become more well versed on the different breeds and the differences in temperament. Also, I have never been very good about walking more than one dog at the same time - obviously a skill I will need to develop and refine. But, I think this is a pretty good possibility for me, don't you think?

busyness

A busy life can be a blessing and a curse.

On the plus side, navigating my way through a huge lists of tasks and experiences on a daily basis makes me feel productive and bolsters my belief that the more I get done, the happier I will be.

I feel a strong sense of accomplishment and satisfaction after drafting a long to-do list and crossing items off as I go. But is this, short-lived feeling of victory I experience when crumpling up my list and throwing it away knowing I completed everything I set out to finish, happiness? Honestly, I am not sure. Rather, I think the answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no.

On a personal level, being "too busy" prevents me from enjoying life experiences. I feel I must get through "this" so I can get through the "next thing" on my list. I am so preoccupied with everything I have to do, I am not fulling living in the moment. My body is engaged in something but my mind is already onto the next thing.

What is difficult for me is that if I don't accomplish a certain amount in a particular day, I do feel a real sense of failure. That the day was wasted and I'll never have that time back. It is not easy for me to really "live in the moment" and I am terrified of putting that on my to-do list because what if I can't cross it off?

Jay always tells me to enjoy life more - that I am more concerned with finishing than enjoying - and he is right. One of the things I truly admire about Jay is his ability to enjoy just about anything in life. (He can also hate everything in life at any give moment but when he is enjoying something, he is truly happy.) On a Monday morning, when he wants me to stop getting ready and enjoy a few sips of coffee with him on the couch, I will sit there and do it but I am thinking about what I have to start doing when I get to work and that train of thought quickly turns into me interrupting our sweet little morning moment. Jay accomplishes just about as much as I do in life, and probably sometimes more than me - why can't I become more like that?

I know I need to make a conscious effort to slow down, take my time, savor small moments but it is not easy for me to do this. Perhaps this is just like any other habit one needs to develop. Supposedly, it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I found this neat site, Habit Forge, which allows you to sign up for free, then explicitly describe the new habit you are trying to form and it will check in with you daily (via email) to make sure you are working on your habit each day for 21 days. If you miss a day, you have to start over at day 1. Others can track my progress so the fact that strangers may be holding me accountable will be a motivator for me.

I am going to make happy a habit. Let's hope it works.

communication

One might assume that speaking, conveying ideas, asking questions, engaging in heated debate, learning new information and all the other fascinating ways we communicate with one another would be easy and natural for most people. As a child, I always always believed this to be true.

The older I get (for those keeping count, I am currently 27) the more I realize that communication is one of the hardest things in life. Poor communication and misinterpretation can lead to disastrous consequences. Whenever I witness a failure to communicate clearly in conversation, I usually attempt to interject into the conversation to clarify. As I am writing this I feel like this may be perceived as rude instead of helpful.

As a dog owner, I can say that the power of non verbal communication is far greater than the power of the spoken word. We all understand energy and non verbal cues, facial expressions, body language and more. That's why it's never that bad when you go to another country, you can always act something out to convey meaning without speaking their language. Training and being around your dog forces you to be in touch with your non verbal cues since that is how dogs listen to you. Obviously this applies to people, too.

I am a good communicator but there is always room for improvement. I know I need to work on my tone sometimes and also being able to concisely convey my feelings in a constructive way.

My godfather, Patrick, told me a while ago that he thinks I should get a job that has something to do with "communication". I think he was onto something.

p.q.l.

After working at The Restart Room, I moved from San Diego back to Los Angeles. I would live in LA for about 2 months to save as much money as I could for my then upcoming relocation to NYC.

Immediately after I moved back in with my parents, I decided to look for my next job the old fashioned way, through the Los Angeles Times classifieds. I found an ad for a job as a purchasing assistant for a lighting company called PQL, Premuim Quality Lighting. It paid a great hourly wage (if I recall correctly, it was $11.00/hour) and seemed like a great way for me to get some office experience on my resume. I thought I had a decent chance of getting the job; my main concern was that I would only be there for 2 months - would someone want to hire me and invest the time in training me knowing that I would only be there for a short time?

I donned my best interview clothes and drove to the office for my interview. The interview was going great and as it neared to its natural conclusion, I spoke up and told them of my plans for moving to NYC and that I was only looking for a job for 2 months. I wasn't sure what reaction I expected but I was surprised when he thanked me for my honesty and said despite the fact that I would leave in 2 months, he enjoyed our discussion and said he would be in touch.

Soon after, they called with an offer for the job which I readily accepted. P.Q.L. was a great company to work for, everyone was super friendly and hard working and my boss, Sandy was a great manager who was willing to give me a chance.

I remember him calling me into his office on my last day there, August 14th, 2003, where he pointed to the news on the TV in his office showing a blacked-out NYC. I remember him so clearly, saying "So, you moving to NYC tomorrow?" and pointing to the TV. I remember thinking that nothing was going to stop me, I was going to NYC, even if all the lights were out.

I will always remember this job even though I was only there 8 weeks. Mostly because it was a company made of up good, honest people willing to give someone like me a chance. I hope that one day I can return this favor to an ambitious young person who just needs someone to give them a break.

balance

One of the most important things in life is balance. It is also one of the hardest things to attain in today's fast-paced society.

To me, balance means having enough time in the morning (3 hours) for exercise, walking my dog for at least 45 minutes and being able to get ready without rushing around. I would love to be able to get up at 7 AM and be ready to leave by 10 AM to begin my workday soon after. It means working on different types of tasks each day to give me the variety I crave to sustain my interest. I want enough time to take a break in the middle of the day to reset and make sure I get the most of my afternoon. I want to get home with enough time to straighten up, cook a healthy and delicious dinner and enjoy some quality time with my Jay and my doggie. I want to spend time after dinner engaging in a hobby of some sort (currently I blog, read or watch a movie but I am working on expanding my hobby repertoire) and then go to bed at a reasonable hour so I can do it all over again the next day. There is definitely a part of me that feels safe and comforted by routine. I need just the right amount of variety to keep my interest but I also like having a loose schedule to follow on a regular basis.

There is no formula that people can follow to feel that seemingly impossible harmony of work-life-balance - it is different for each person because everyone has different priorities and interests. The trick to is make sure that each day you feel a sense of accomplishment and experience the joys of living. Seems easy but it isn't.

In my attempt to research how I can achieve work-life balance, I found this interesting Web site, www.worklifebalance.com. Their working definition of work-life-balance is: Meaningful daily Achievement and Enjoyment in each of my four life quadrants: Work, Family, Friends and Self.

This concept is relatively simple in theory but not so easy to practice. I know I can quickly get caught up n the stresses in life and that it can completely derail my day if I am not consciously aware of what is happening.

After reading through a few articles on this site, I have come away with the idea that I should set 4 small goals each day for each quadrant in life and do my best to maintain focus on enjoyably accomplishing those goals. And, when I get caught up and feel that my day has gotten away from me, I need to remember to remind myself of all my blessings in life.

Balance comes from within and not from outside sources. I need to make it a priority and live purposefully. There is never a reason to delay enjoyment and happiness more likely lies in many small joyous moments rather than a few momentous occasions. Let's see how long I can keep this up.

wedding planner

Disclaimer: I am currently planning my own wedding, which could be influencing my thoughts about being a wedding planner. Although I am in the midst of a wedding planning hiatus and do need to kick it back into gear soon.

I am a planner by nature. I love planning parties and projects. I love writing up To-Do lists for my day and checking things off as I complete them. I think I would be a good wedding planner. My own wedding planning has gone relatively well so far if that is any indication of my skills.

Working weekends, holidays and nights might get old. That said, I would have a more flexible schedule, which is appealing. I would witness the grandest expression of love over and over again. On the other hand, I would also be a slave to bride after bride and it would only be a matter of time before a bridezilla crossed my path. But, I would be helping so many people realize their dreams of a beautiful wedding and I would meet people from all walks of life.

I stumbled upon this Should You Be a Wedding Planner? Quiz.

My Result was: It looks like you would be satisfied with a career as a wedding planner.

That's all this quiz gave me. It's super short but not sure its worth your time.

Anyway, I could start my own wedding planner business and that would satisfy my other urge of being my own boss and starting my own business. I can usually remain pretty calm in stressful situations and jump into action when necessary. I have solid negotiation skills and the ability to the make the "impossible" possible. I'm organized, detailed-oriented, budget-conscious and feel that I am a good listener and have a way of understanding and relating to people.

On the flip side, I don't have a great sense of fashion. And, I don't really know much about flowers, dress designers or wedding cake but I could learn. I can also see myself getting sick of brides after a while, is that bad?

If I am destined to enjoy many careers/jobs in my life, perhaps this will be one along my journey.

obsession

I really want to do something that I really want to do. You know what I mean?

I want to look forward to Mondays, and work late because I don't want to break myself away from what I am doing or take a project home because I can't wait to wake up on Sunday morning and work on it. I feel that some people actually achieve this in their life, am I deluded?

The longer I try to pinpoint my obsession, the more I realize that it may not be a specific job, industry or hobby. Perhaps my passion lies in doing something to positively impact others, to use my skills to obtain a specific result or experience a variety of careers to sustain my interest? I do not like those answers, they are too vague! I wish I wanted to be a doctor, or an astronomer or a forensic psychologist and then I could go after that specific job but I don't feel strongly about any particular career so I feel like I am wading around in the pool of life not going in any particular direction. I want another goal to chase after.

Everyone needs a stable obsession. Something that they love to do for no other reason that to enjoy the experience. I want an obsession that is not a person (I love you, Jay), a dog (I miss my doggie) or something that I am required to do; such as, cooking (everyone needs to eat) & exercising (everyone should exercise). What do I have left? Reading and Blogging don't count.

the restart room

After working at CUTCO, selling the world's finest set of cutlery, I found a telemarketing job at a place called The Restart Room. The office was really close to my apartment and San Diego State University, the college I was attending at that time. Although I was not thrilled at the prospect of telemarketing, I had a really flexible schedule and had the opportunity to pull in a decent hourly wage if I could hit my bonus.

The job itself was pretty brainless. I called past newspaper subscribers from all over the country and tried to get them to renew their subscriptions. We wore head sets and read scripts off computer monitors. If we could renew 3 subscriptions per hour, we would bonus. The sales manager kept track of everyone's sales on a big white board in the center of the office with our initials and hash marks.

The people that worked there was the most interesting part of the job. Most of the people that worked there did not want to be face to face with the public for whatever reason. You had the very overweight man with thick glasses who was the funniest and nicest person you would ever meet, the OCD Puerto Rican who always made the most sales and perfected the art of gloating and my favorite friend Manny, who was in a wheel chair but was one of the happiest people I have had the pleasure of knowing. He made working fun, we usually sat next to each other and we would play cards, Scrabble and even Monopoly to pass the time. I remember he used to bring in homemade ceviche, it was so delicious! When I wasn't playing games, I was studying and doing homework.

Granted, I don't want to go back to telemarketing but I did enjoy my time at The Restart Room. I left after my first year of college when I moved back to Los Angeles for a short time before my highly anticipated move to New York City.

social scientist

I recently finished reading a great book by Dan Ariely called The Upside of Irrationality. It explores human behavior and discusses why certain aspects of our behavior can be irrational and then goes on to say that irrationality is not always a bad thing. There are, of course, some irrationalities that are not so great but what is interesting is how our behavior can actually be much different than what we predict it might be.

He relays his conclusions by describing a variety of social experiments that he conducts and the various conclusions he has made about the unexpected benefits of defying logic. It's a very interesting read and I recommend that you pick up a copy at your local library. Side note on the library remark: I am in saving mode for my upcoming wedding so one of my self imposed rules is that I can not purchase books to read, I must borrow them from the library so I am also encouraging others to do the same.

After reading this book, I immediately wanted to become a social scientist. I want to design interesting experiments to test theories regarding human behavior. I want to carry out the experiments, analyze the data and present my conclusions to whoever will listen, and subsequently acknowledge my efforts. I want to debate hypotheses with other academics and discuss my findings with others.

The best part of this book were the experiments, which were likely the strongest factor in my latest desire to be a social scientist. They are incredibly compelling and their results force you to reconsider they way you are living your life and interacting with other people. I could get behind something like this.

If I am serious about this, I would need to go back to school and get a Masters degree and possibly even a PhD if I really want to succeed or make some real money. That would be quite an investment in time and money. I never thought I would go back to school but there is no reason I can't...

acknowledgement

One of my weaknesses is my constant need for positive acknowledgment. And, by acknowledgment I mean the recognition of my existence, validity, authority, and/or right. I need to feel appreciated and I need to feel appreciated often. I have no issues with asking for it and when I receive it, I can't wait until I get some more. I will gladly accept a gold star, a pat on the back or preferably, a public pronouncement of my greatness. Much to my chagrin, this is another one of my essentials in life.

It may seem silly, but I regularly save gracious emails from clients praising my wonderfulness because I have helped them with something and refer back to them when I am having a bad day or if I am low on acknowledgments for the week. I often ask leading questions of friends and family so their answer will fulfill my need for approval. I seek out activities where I know someone will congratulate me for a job well done.

Some say that I have a need for approval and that those who seek approval have low self esteem, are dependent on others and have issues from childhood. I am an assertive, independent woman who had two loving parents. Some will say that this is an issue I need to work on and an aspect about myself I need to change. Although, I do think that this particular trait of mine is not necessarily beneficial; I don't think that I suffer this to an extreme that others may experience.

I do work hard at most everything in life, some may call me a people pleaser, and I do have a hard time saying "no" to people. However, I speak my mind, don't avoid confrontation when necessary and have an abundance of self confidence. I just like knowing that what I do impacts others in a positive way. What's so wrong with wanting to hear that knowledge validated from others?

Whatever my purpose and whatever I do, I know that I will always require that positive reinforcement along the way, even if I have to ask for it.

cutco

After abruptly quitting Blockbuster Video, I got a job as a Sales Representative with Vector Marketing to sell The World's Finest Cutlery, CUTCO. This was immediately after I graduated high school in the summer of 2002.

After the group interview, they offered everyone that showed up a job if they could buy a starter kit that they would use when they conducted their in-home sales demonstrations. The starter kit, they said, was a great value because not only were you buying a set of the world's finest knives but this was an investment in your future!

I immediately purchased the starter kit and then completed the 3 day intensive training program that was comprised of memorization, brain washing and role playing. At first, they basically have you take advantage of your family and friends. You have to build your own client base so they have you set appointments with everyone you know. So, my parents bought a few knives, and my grandparents bought a small set and my next door neighbor bought a bunch of stuff from me.

From there, you have to ask everyone you meet with to provide you a list of their family and friends so you can call them up and set appointments with them. After a while of visiting everyone you know, you will begin to start meeting with strangers who are friends of friends of friends. At first, my mom was not happy about my spending so much of time in strangers homes but I quickly reminded her that I had a bag of knives with me - what could possibly go wrong that I couldn't defend myself against?

Luckily, their brainwashing was quite effective as I truly believed, and still kinda do, that I was selling the best knives on the market. I did well for myself and sold over $10,000 in cutlery in about 10 weeks.

After the summer was over, I moved to San Diego to attend San Diego State University. After spending 2 and 1/2 months building a client base in Los Angeles, I now had to start over in San Diego if I was going to continue down this path. I did have a few relatives and friends in the area so I gave it the old college try. I lasted about 2 months before I realized that I would not be able to build up my business while attending school full time. And, the branch manager at the Vector Marketing office in San Diego was very different from the manager I had in LA. He wanted me to attend all these team meetings which I could not attend because I had class and after one particularly distressing confrontation and a few weeks of sliding my orders under the door (so I could avoid him) after office hours, I decided it was time to move on.

Though my time selling CUTCO was short, I am so grateful for the experience. I learned basic sales skills & important lessons including (1) "No" doesn't mean "No" unless they say it at least 5 times (2) Don't be afraid to ask for anything because you'll be surprised how often you get what you ask for and (3) Don't underestimate the power of cutting a penny with a pair of Super Shears to close a deal.

jung personality test

To be truly successful in any career, you must first understand yourself.

I took the Jung Personality test and it determined that my personality type is: ESTJ.

Extroverted (E) 65.85% Introverted (I) 34.15%
Sensing (S) 55.81% Intuitive (N) 44.19%
Thinking (T) 52.94% Feeling (F) 47.06%
Judging (J) 78.13% Perceiving (P) 21.88%
Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

According to this test, I am:
organized, group oriented, focused, conventional, leader, emotionally stable, anal, attention seeking, planner, realistic, fearless, responsible, finisher, decisive, norm following, respects authority, punctual, hard working, stiff, self confident, thinks rules and regulations are important, follows the rules, clean, outgoing, social, content, does not like being alone, normal, regular, does not like weird or strange people / things - intolerant of differences, strict, disciplined, aggressive, assertive, content, happy, proper, formal, strict with self, meticulous, strong sense of purpose

And, my favored careers include:
executive, CEO, supervisor, business consultant, manager, strategist, financial planner, business person, office manager, public relations manager, international business specialist, business analyst, management consultant, operations manager, loan officer, lawyer, marketing, sports management, government employee, investment banker

While my disfavored careers include:
poet, artist, songwriter, musician, novelist, art therapist, theatre teacher, art curator, film editor, video game designer, photo journalist, travel writer, actor, record store owner, camera operator, art historian, music teacher

I am most surprised by the careers on the disfavored list. I love to write and have always loved poetry and art. My father is an artist, my fiancee a budding video game designer and my brother a filmmaker. I suppose I have known that those careers weren't the best fit for me, but to be on my disfavored list?

Out of all the careers on my favored list, I was intrigued by sports management. I have often thought I could use my business skills to manage the talents of other people. In the past, I have always wanted to manage artists but maybe athletes is the way to go. I do enjoy exercise and appreciate athletic talent and strength and the more I think as I write this, the more I realize that this may be a viable career option to consider. I could be like Jerry Maguire?!

Take the test for yourself! And, once you take the test, visit this page to view your results.